The Great Cookie Debate

Little known fact: I’m a man. A guy. Male.

Although we’re not known particularly well known for our prowess in the kitchen, I happen to think know I can make one of the meanest, leanest, most perfectly-popped bags of corn that stainless GE microwave has ever seen. Hitting that one-touch button labeled “Popcorn” and closing the door with such precision isn’t something just anyone can do. It’s a skill that takes decades to master. And don’t even get me started on the overwhelmingly healthy dinners of green beans, roasted chicken breast, corn, sweet potatoes and pasta I conjure up, courtesy of my freezer and my friends at Healthy Choice, Lean Cuisine and Smart Ones.

Let’s face it: Baking. Broiling. Sautéing. They are all some form of cooking that I have as good a chance of mastering as Lee Harvey has of getting away with killing JFK (too soon?).

Or, so I thought.

I have brought this debate up multiple times over the last few years, and it never seems to resolve itself. No, it somehow only fuels my passion for a permanent, worldwide name change to one of history’s most beloved pastry treats: the cookie.

I’m a simple man (which may contribute to why my man-brain doesn’t comprehend any counterargument to my upcoming claim). Chocolate chip satisfies the taste buds just fine. There’s no need for the fancy-schmancy Macadamia Nut with Chocolate Chips and Caramel Snickerdoodle yadda, yadda business. Just give me the simplistic chocolate chips, you wa-hoo.

It’s my favorite bakie.

No. Don’t correct me. I know what you’re thinking, and no, that’s not a typo. Cookies are not cookies. Cookies are bakies.

Why, you ask? I have been repeatedly told that baking is not cooking. That it is not even a form of cooking. Why, then, do you bake something that has the word “cook” as two-thirds of its name?!

(Mind. Blown.)

If cookies are not cooked, but baked, they should not be called cookies. Plain and simple. There are countless other examples of foods that are baked versus cooked or cooked versus baked, but this post already undoubtedly has your head spinning and wanting some delicious, fresh, homemade cookies bakies (not to mention the name’s obvious tie-in for you “420 regulars” who get a craving for munching on something delish after the smoke clears).

The world needs to know the truth behind bakies. Get out there. Go all “Sinatra-ish” and start spreading the news.

Now, pass the dough. We’ve got bakies to cook. Or, bake.

Oh, f*** it. Whatever.

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